From our weekly issue dated May 7, 2008

There are many plots and such for “making money,” but it seems that such schemes often are not lawful. Or as one man lamented, “Everything I like is either fattening, illegal or immoral.”

Another man claimed that his uncle was doing great, making big money. Unfortunately, it was approximately a half-inch too big. Where is this going? Not sure, but it feels OK to keep typing.

Some of us “Newsies” were talking recently about how to financially help Josephine County and the city of Cave Junction. One idea is to turn the whole county into an amusement park and charge admission. However, we were unable to devise the proper details, and who would serve as clowns, and so that idea (for now) will end on a somewhat unfinished note, similar to Rocky & Bullwinkle’s “Fractured Fairy Tales.”

It’s always seemed to me that we could raise enough money to keep the county and other agencies afloat (no pun intended after last week’s deluge) if we simply asked everyone driving through Cave Junction to donate $1. We’d see thousand$ of bucks. However, it seems unlikely that those driving through would appreciate the fund-raiser. Could we sell them raffle tickets?

Here’s another subject: A friend asked me awhile back if I had ever written a book. Well, yes and no. I’m sure that if all the stories I’ve written during the past 40 years were culled, compiled and sanitized, there would be enough for a book. Maybe. Would you buy a copy?

Actually, as news editor, and then editor and publisher of “Curry Coastal Pilot” in Brookings before lighting in Illinois Valley 20 years ago, I wrote a “Bob’s Corner” type of column. It was called “Compass Points.” And at one point, I assembled a number of those columns, and some I had written while in San Diego, and put them into a “bookette.” Sold a few copies. Still have some, somewhere; don’t know where. You know, they’re in a box.

Well, that’s enough for this week. I was going to humbly outline some of the stories and columns from my fantastic journalism career so far, but I’ve got a tickle in my throat and am going to go home and rest.

But wait, I just recalled another happening, from last week: The Strange & Frustrating Case of the Missing Wallet. Jan had it on her desk at home by the PC, after ordering something. Not long after, the wallet “turned up missing.” There was a small amount of cash in it, but the most important items included her driver license, health insurance card, and a couple of major credit cards.

We turned the house upside-down and inside-out. We even checked both cars, under the seats, in all possible places, thinking (or at least, that was my idea) that somehow she had placed the wallet in one of the two vehicles and had forgotten about it.

We checked the trash cans; all the drawers and closets in our house. Under the furniture. In clothing. In laundry. In the kitchen cabinets. About everywhere.

We phoned the main credit card company and told it to place a “watch” on the card, just in case.

Finally, using the Sherlock Holmes rule, I decided to check the mashed trash in the garage. Went through the bags, while holding my breath. Did not find the wallet. However, still following Holmes’ dictum, I decided to dump out each bag “just in case.”

Fortunately (for me), unfortunately (for son Mike) he volunteered for the onerous task. Donning gas mask and CSI gloves, he painstakingly rummaged carefully through each bag.

And he found the Missing Wallet! It was in the second-to-last bag. The wallet was wet and had garbage boogers, but all inside was intact. Hallelujah.

So much for my X-ray vision.

And that really is it for this week, except to say that probably cats “Charlie” and “Flint” are responsible for dumping the wallet into the home office trash can, which was emptied without anyone noticing the wallet.

As Shakespeare noted, “All’s well that ends well.” And Jan has relocated the trash can, placing it under the desk so that items on the edge can’t be knocked in.

(Editor Bob’s Note: The preceding first appeared in the Noose on Jan. 4, 2006. I’m into recycling … )